By Colin and Marina Campbell Drown
(The following is an excerpt from a longer reconsideration of how the Taoist sexual practices ‘work’ in a dedicated couple.)
We often see that when men make love without ejaculation because of fear of loss of life energy or simply that they want to be able “to do it all night long” that their ability to love on a deeply committed level is affected. We hear from many couples how his preoccupation with not losing his ejaculation and energy affects their love and their intimacy in a negative way. Many happy couples seem to have found a healthy frequency of ejaculation to accommodate the desire for increased energy and health. They make love often and he ejaculates at a rhythm that the couple is satisfied with. Maybe one time in ten, maybe half the time; it’s a very individual thing.
Male ejaculation is not simply an expression of “lost energy” in the couple. Perhaps the combination of open hearts and open genitals during ecstatic lovemaking permits the sharing of hormones and essences through the head of the penis and the vaginal walls and cervix. There is an emotional element of male ejaculation that is not to be ignored. I’m speaking from the perspective of the man being able to control his ejaculation. Not to withhold it forever out of fear of energy loss but rather the capacity to choose to ejaculate or not during a lovemaking session. An ejaculation should be part of the emotional and celebratory culmination of the couple’s lovemaking. The woman orgasms and ejaculates her essence bathing her man’s penis just as his orgasm and ejaculation floods her vagina. Their fluids blend with their love; their hormonal flows change in quality as their brains relax in love and as they abandon their defenses. We believe that these “love juices” are absorbed through the vagina and cervix and penis and into the bloodstreams of the man and woman. Further, we believe these juices carry vital “information” on a physical level and on a “heart”/spiritual level. This shared information resulting from mutual orgasm and ejaculation is healthy physically, emotionally and spiritually for woman and man. We believe that in many healthy couples these benefits far outweigh considerations of the man “losing” vital force.
We would like to hear from real-life, dedicated/monogamous couples regarding their experiences. We’ve been working with couples for many years and we find that what is happening in real life is often quite different from what is presented in some couples’ books.
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